Sometimes relationships don’t work out. It’s just a fact. However, splitting up when the two of you have offspring together can be a very messy, emotional ordeal for everyone involved. In every break up, there are winners and losers. The most important thing to remember during a divorce is that you need to be the winner and your kids could very well be the deciding factor of that.
So how do you come out on top in what seems like a no-win situation? Never fear. Uncle Azra is here with some tips to help you make your offspring prove that they love you more than your soon to be ex-significant other.
1. Plan early for this eventuality. Even when your relationship or marriage is going well, it is prudent to prepare for the eventual end of the line. Having an exit plan will ensure you are on top when things start to go south.
2. Pick a favorite child. It’s true that all parents have favorites, don’t let them tell you otherwise. By choosing your favorite early on, this means you’ll have an ally and a spy in the other camp during the divorce proceedings. Your favorite can also be an influencing voice on its siblings. Choose wisely. If you only have one spawn, then you need to make sure you are the favorite parent early on. Bribe them, buy their love. It will be worth it.
3. Do everything you can to undermine the credibility and/or sanity of your ex. If they are perceived as insane to the court or the children, it will be a direct benefit to you. Do everything you can to win the offspring over to your cause.
4. Fight for custody of the kids. Let them know that you are willing to fight for them. Bring them to the courtroom if you can.
While these obviously aren’t all the ways you can persuade your spawn to legitimize your winning status in a divorce, they will help in the long run.
Winning is everything.
***Disclaimer***Azra has been around children for centuries. While not having any of his own, part of being an exiled angel means blending in on earth. As he traveled the earth, he picked up on a lot of parenting practices across the globe. This blog is meant to share his parenting wisdom with a new generation. And to win a bet.
*Note: any advice given is meant to be satirical and not to be taken literally. Please do not exercise it upon any living being, child or otherwise.*