Where to Give Birth to Your Brood; Modern Day Options

Nowadays there’s a big emphasis on where to give birth; either at home or a hospital. It wasn’t all that long ago that all births were home births, so this debate confuses me a bit. There are merits to both and there’s a surprising third option that I’ll delve into later on. For now, though, the basics of home birth and hospital birth.

Home Birth: the natural choice. Since pretty much the dawn of human existence, women have been giving birth to their spawn in their own dwellings. The perks are that they are somewhere comfortable for what has, historically, been an intense, life or death process. Creature comforts at home are proven to make the pain a little more bearable. Plus humans do that nesting thing when they are expecting. It has to be for a reason. The biggest up side to home birth is that you can do it however you want. Meaning, if you want to have your entire family witness this miraculous moment of blood and gore, you can do that! If you want to make a party of the whole thing, you can do that too! Want to give birth to your spawn in water? Sure, why else did you get a pool? Want to listen to the sounds of the Serengeti at sunset as you push another human out of you? Load up your ipod and turn up your sound bar. Really, the home option is the best one for full customization of the birthing experience.

Hospital Birth: the modern option. Hospitals are currently thought to be the best place to have a baby. After all, they have doctors, nurses, and, most importantly, super powerful drugs that can get you through the whole delivery thing without feeling a thing. It’s also handy to be in a central medical facility in the event something goes wrong with the delivery; they will have the resources to help. There is one major down side to hospitals, though. That is the price of them. It can cost thousands of dollars to give birth to your offspring in one of these facilities.

Last but not least, one of the more underutilized and highly unique options as far as giving birth: Disneyland. Or, if not the great mouse utopia, why not another theme park? Or national monument? Really, you can choose your favorite spot on earth to bring forth new life. And why not? Why should you be confined to either your home or a medical facility? Giving birth is one of the most natural things in the world. It should be celebrated! It should be known and witnessed by the whole of humanity. And preferably on the best roller coaster around.

Remember to Breathe,


***Disclaimer***Azra has been around children for centuries. While not having any of his own, part of being an exiled angel means blending in on earth. As he traveled the earth, he picked up on a lot of parenting practices across the globe. This blog is meant to share his parenting wisdom with a new generation. And to win a bet.

*Note: any advice given is meant to be satirical and not to be taken literally. Please do not exercise it upon any living being, child or otherwise.*