Westerosminster Kennel Show

Welcome to the annual Best in Dragon Show! I’m your host, Alistair Fizzibottom, here to give you a full play by play of the competition this year. And as always, this year’s competition is sponsored by Viking Hordes. Remember, nothing says conquest like a Viking brand Horde.

Oh, it looks like the competition is under way.

Our first contestant is Glitter, a great serpent. Gorgeous scales, but the animal seems a little sluggish. Oh! The owner should not tug on the leash like that— And yep, yep. Glitter jut ate her owner and went to sleep. The judges have declared her disqualified.

Next we see in the same category Hopper the sea serpent. Although Hopper shows excellent color and barnacle to flipper ratio, I know the judges will not be happy about that leftover yacht still in Hopper’s teeth. Looks like Hopper’s owner forgot the floss.

Put out a few extra bowls of kibble, here comes Gail the hydra! At fourteen feet high and seven heads, it might be hard to beat this beautiful specimen. Oh, wait. It looks like two heads have not fully grown back in. That is gonna cost a lot of points.

Here comes the great bearded dragon from Southest China. What a gorgeous, graceful specimen of the golden variety. Oooooo. Ouch. His name is Chop Suey. That just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Owners should lose points for that one. Can we all agree that no one would be sorry to see this dragon eat his owner?

Now there is a breed you do not see everyday. A genuine well-dwelling Lindwyrn. Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on this rare treat. Apparently, her name is Marigold and she is only four hundred years old. She’s practically a baby! Look at those judges stare. She might have this competition won.

Wait, wait. Here he comes! Our reigning champion, fifty-two years running – Mr. Twinkles the green drake! Looks like his claws and wings have been polished for the event. Such a majestic creature. And those hindquarters! Mr. Twinkles has one of the best physiques of any dragon here today. Oh, ladies and gentlemen, he’s coming to the announcer booth. Hey there, fella. You wanna treat. Those are some big teeth you ha—

The Tale of Ragsy


Little Billy loved Ragsy, his rare hairless Azawakh-Great Dane-Thai Ridgeback mix which his uncle gave him. At least, that was what Billy assumed Ragsy was. He’s looked up a lot of dogs on the internet and, although the pictures didn’t quite match, he just had to assume that was what Ragsy was. After all, the animal was almost the size of a pony with a square head and a long neck. True, the ridgeback dog in the picture had fur ridges and Ragsy’s were more like a dinosaur, but Billy figured that the dog in the online picture would have the same scales without fur.

Billy’s parents, not being too well-versed on the matter, assume all of little Billy’s research must have been accurate and saw no reason why he shouldn’t take Ragsy in for show-and-tell. They dropped Ragsy at the school around 10am, when the teacher said it would be alright for the dog to be there. When he came in, tugging on his leash as he sniffed the classroom air, the class as a whole jumped. The teacher ran to create a barrier between her students and the strange looking creature. Then, Billy jumped up.

“Ragsy!” he cheered and the hairless animal wagged his thick tail.

The teacher regained her composure and moved slowly to her desk. Ragsy watched her, his cat-like eyes blinking at her sinisterly. “Okay, Billy. Tells us some things about your . . . dog.”

“Ragsy is a year old, so he’s still kinda a puppy. He likes to play fetch and sometimes he barks at the mail truck. I’m teaching him tricks.” The little boy took out a baggy of jerky from his pocket. Ragsy excitedly licked his long, forked tongue over his sharp teeth. “Watch. Speak, Ragsy!”

Billy held out a piece of jerky over Ragsy’s nose. At first, the beast tried to nip it out of Billy’s hand. The boy held it out of reach and repeated, “No. Speak!”

Ragsy moved his bottom jaw once and a shrill cry rang out. Children plugged their ears while Billy giggled.

“Good boy!” He tossed the jerky in the air and Ragsy leapt for it. When he landed back on the floor, the classroom tremored from his weight.

Billy went on with his explanation. “Because Ragsy is still young, he’s still growing. He’s starting to get longer nails, which I think might be a Great Dane thing, I’m not sure. And he’s getting these two lumps on his back. I tried to take him to the vet, but he vet wanted to call some people called ‘cryptozoologists’ to look at Ragsy. Mommy said that sounded expensive.”

When Billy ran his fingers along the two golf ball sized humps growing from his pet’s back, the animal made a fearsome purr, then snorted in happiness.

“He like beef the best. Last week, the neighbor’s pet potbelly pig went missing and she kept thinking Ragsy ate him. My daddy kept telling her that Ragsy doesn’t like pork, but she didn’t believe us until we found her pig hiding under her porch. Turned out Ragsy was trying to play with it and the pig got scared. I guess pigs don’t like dogs.”

Ragsy lifted a back leg and started to scratch behind a scaly horn, making his collar jingle in the process. Billy took over the scratching and the forked tongue hung from one side of the toothy grin in pleasure. “He likes to be pet behind the ears. Does anyone else want to pet him?”

A couple of children raised their hands, but the teacher motioned a no and their limbs when back down.

“Billy, thank you for bring Ragsy in to see us. Why don’t you put him in the coat closet until your mom comes back for him and we can have the next presenter come up.”

“He doesn’t really like the dark—” Billy started to explain.

“I’m sure he’ll be okay,” the teacher responded.

With a shrug, Billy walked Ragsy towards the back of the room. The animal lumbered behind, sniffing and drooling on each student’s backpack. He dipped his nose into one boy’s bag and came out with an action figure between his jaws. In a single swift bite, he broke the action figure in two and swallowed the pieces.

“Billy’s dog ate my show-and-tell,” the owner of the action figure tattled, more annoyed than upset.

Billy led Ragsy into the coat closet and told him to be good boy as he shut the door. Once Billy was back in his desk, a little girl walked to the front of the room. She started to show off photos from her family vacation when they heard a scratch, scratch, scratch.

The teacher told the children to ignore it and encouraged the little girl to go on.

Ragsy started to yowl and cry from behind the closed door. Still, the teacher just told the girl to talk a little louder.

Then, there was a hissing noise. A second later, the room heated up as a flame ball burst through the closet door and hit the whiteboard behind the teacher’s head. The wooden door had partially disintegrated, the edges of a hole still sizzling. Ragsy poked his head through the hole and made a little whimper.

“I told you he doesn’t like the dark,” Billy stated.