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Cat’s typing: Kafienaknu knaioeomklvnu ksndfuvbueianfoijhiylhg’io;ujfki pow344fklh0-ofdik
Writer’s swearing: Get the hell off of there! No, you cannot lay there! Why are you purring at me? Don’t think you can purr your way out of this. Oh. You rubbed your chin on my hand. And you did that cute silent meow thing. Damn it. Fine. Lay wherever you want.
Cat's thinking: Sucker.
Damn it, Max. Ever since you posted that the living should pay attention to ghosts, people keep looking for my cold spots and walking right through me. You know how weird that feels! My space has been violated!
Just for this, I’m going to haunt you. That’s right! Prepare for my wraith. As soon as I can figure out how to get to wherever you are, there will be a ghost war! Get ready, people. It’ll be like Poltergeist meets The Conjuring meets. . . Death Becomes Her! Okay, I haven’t seen a lot of movies, but it’ll be creepy as hell!
I’ll begin with my credentials on this subject – I’m a ghost. Don’t believe me? Look out your window and — Boo!
Did you actually think I would be there? Did you think that ghosts can just appear wherever like in a cheesy horror movie? Oy.
And that brings me to the purpose of this blog. I am going to set the record straight about ghosts with 3 simple facts. Hopefully these facts will stop ghost hunters from disrespecting our rest and using us for ratings on bad T.V. shows.
1) Ghosts can’t fly or float around at will like a certain fictional character in a red cape. If we are floating around, it’s because we are focused too much on being dead and forgetting to put our feet on the ground. What could possibly cause us to focus on our deaths? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe a film crew and their idiot host wandering through our homes and cemeteries, calling us out! Yes, we can hear you. You are loud.
2) Ghosts can manipulate electrical equipment. We don’t have much to do throughout our long, sleepless days so we mess with your lights, your computers, and your coffee maker. Sooooo much fun watching people swear at their coffee makers. And you all blame this on wiring or gremlins. Give credit where credit is due! We work hard to make our afterlives more interesting.
3) Ghosts can forget. Our lives can slip away from us. Some people have no memories at all left, just emotions, including bitterness and aggression. So, stop asking us stupid questions we don’t know the answer to. If you asked three times, “How did you die?” and we don’t answer, chances are that we don’t know either. Keep asking an angry ghost the same question over and over, guess what. You might end up with a new poltergeist for a roommate.
And there is it. What to remember to be respectful to a ghost, from a ghost. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
With 2016 still leaving a bad taste in so many mouths, it is important to inject humor into whatever future 2017 has in store for us. That’s right – it’s time for a blog. Kira Shay and I will be posting separate blogs a couple of times week.
The format of these short writings will change depending on our whims. While some posts shall be commentary of the processes of researching, writing, and publishing which so many writers go through, a majority of these will be from the point-of-view of our characters. Our goal is to entertain and distract from whatever 2017 hits you with. Prepare to learn. Prepare to laugh. Prepare to join us as we beat the proverbial crap out of 2016 stress with some amazing 2017 commentary.
