Humans tend to die. It’s one of the more unfortunate side effects of life. However, if both you and your co-parental figure manage to bite the big one before your spawn are considered fully grown by local law, then there’s the thorny issue of who will be responsible for them.
Most parents have their backups picked before their little monster even comes into the world, but for those of us who aren’t so pessimistic about our ability to survive parenthood, here are some points to consider when choosing the godparents of your mini terrors.
1. Are the beings you chose to care for your animated DNA strands actually deities? I mean, god parents really should live up to the title, right? If you can’t have actual deities take care of your kids, then you’ll just have to settle for those of your own ilk.
2. Do your little snot monsters know the candidates you are considering? Do they like them? Do the potential parental replacements get along with your kids? If so, cross them off the list. The best thing for your kids is to be uncomfortable with wherever they end up. Putting them in a strange place with strange people will motivate them to better themselves. Plus, if they wind up with someone terrible, it will forever enshrine your memory. The only thing you have to do is make sure the adult knows what they are getting into.
3. Make sure the replacement parents and/or family lives far away from where you and yours lived. Again, you want to go for the most change possible for after you pass. It will be for the best that I promise you.
Now, if you can’t find anyone that would be willing to take on your spawn, more or less sight unseen, there is one more option. You can leave your offspring to your local government. From there, they will be put into what they call a system where they will be shipped around to different strangers or even group homes until they come of age. As far as change, that would be the best option.
In the end, just do what’s right for you and your family. Give lots of thought to what would happen should you end up six feet under.
***Disclaimer***Azra has been around children for centuries. While not having any of his own, part of being an exiled angel means blending in on earth. As he traveled the earth, he picked up on a lot of parenting practices across the globe. This blog is meant to share his parenting wisdom with a new generation. And to win a bet.
*Note: any advice given is meant to be satirical and not to be taken literally. Please do not exercise it upon any living being, child or otherwise.*