Conformity over Autonomy: What To Do If Your Kid Is The Weird One

Not many creatures on earth tolerate differences in their own species. For instance, white ravens are often killed by their dark-feathered brethren, all because of the color of their plumage!

Humans are just as vicious, if not more cruel. Differences between humans are seen as weakness. They will either kill or ostracize the ones that don’t fit in.

Which is why it is absolutely vital that your offspring fit in with the other human spawn. Remember, if they do, then, unlike the poor white ravens, your pint sized person will not be pecked to death or worse! Not fitting in could mean that they will never find a mate and become a burden on their fellow humans without actively perpetuating the human race.

If your child survives into adulthood and adds its own spawn to the species, you win the game!

The ideology of conformity over autonomy begins with you: the parental figure. Here are some tips to help you stamp out any attempt your child makes towards individualism.

1.       Aim for Average. Overachievers and underachievers alike draw attention to themselves. If you reinforce that average is the way to go in studies, sports, in life, it will keep your little animal firmly in the middle of the pack. It’ll also have the added bonus of not putting undue pressure to achieve on them or on you.

2.       Teach them from a young age that being different is bad and if they are different, they should be ashamed. This will keep them focused on fitting in.

3.       Friends. This is a tricky one. Friends should make your child feel like they belong, however, they do have the unfortunate side effect of influencing your little blank slate. Be sure whatever friends your offspring manages to attract embody the essence of average and don’t stand out. If you can remember their names and what they look like, they are not average enough.

Remember- Conformity. It’s for their own good.

Stay mediocre, my friends.


***Disclaimer***Azra has been around children for centuries. While not having any of his own, part of being an exiled angel means blending in on earth. As he traveled the earth, he picked up on a lot of parenting practices across the globe. This blog is meant to share his parenting wisdom with a new generation. And to win a bet.

*Note: any advice given is meant to be satirical and not to be taken literally. Please do not exercise it upon any living being, child or otherwise.*