On Exercise Resolutions - a letter Miranda Tepes

Note: Miranda is a currently unpublished character from an upcoming paranormal fantasy book called Whitby Secrets (coming soon from FSF Publications). Look for more blogs from her and other characters from this novel as the year progresses.

Dear Melanie,

Damn. I wish I could answer you through e-mail, but Dad says the content could be intercepted by Nos hackers. Yes. My father now is convinced that nosferatus are trying to put viruses on vampire hunters’ computers. I tried to point out that they could just as easily go through our physical mail, but whatever.

You asked me about what I’ve been doing at the gym to keep my staking arm in shape. I assume this means that Uncle Reinold is going to take you out for your first hunt soon. Congratulations!

Personally, I use a hatchet more than a stake. Still, knowing how to handle a stake is important so here’s what I do to keep in shape. First, I jump into the rafters of our ceiling and do about forty to eighty chin-ups on this old beam. Apparently, this what generations of our family did through the decades. If you don’t have a place to do this in your house, then I suggest parallel bars at a park.

Next, I take out two ancient family journals, the two heaviest I can find. I place each one flat in the palms of my hands. I stretch out my arms straight and hold the books for about 20 minutes.  I know we’re supposed to read the family journals, but this is just so much more interesting and useful. Plus I can watch my favorite makeover shows while I do it.

Lastly, I do yoga.  You have to keep your core strong, if you want to keep the rest of you strong. Normal, ordinary yoga while swinging machetes.

I hope that helps you get ready for that first hunt. I just want to add that you should probably wear wellies for your first kill. The first vampire I destroyed was super messy. I got blood all over a brand-new pair of suede boots. Good luck!

Your cousin, Miranda