Hi there. I was recently devoured by a dragon. A huge dragon. Swallowed me whole.
Served me right too. I stepped on his tail.
The only problem with being eaten whole is the waiting. I’m currently sitting in a pool of stomach acids while I watch bits of knight float by. It’s really boring. The only reason why I can see anything is because of the pilot light in the dragon’s belly. At least now I finally know how they breathe fire.
As I sit here slowly allowing the juices to eat away at my tunic, I must stop to ponder at my life. I worked each day. I ate a great deal of porridge. I slept on a straw mattress (I may have been poor, but I was never sleep on a dirt floor poor). And I walked places . . . using my feet.
Huh. Peasant life really does not lend itself to a great deal of pre-death pondering.
Uh-oh. The dragon is opening his mouth again. I see a big, human shaped shadow coming down on me. Maybe I’ll have some company.
Never mind. It’s just half of a lord, a very portly lord. Even just his torso and head made a splash like you would not believe. He does not look like he was a particularly healthy fellow. Most likely full of starches. The dragon just released the most un-gentlemanly belch.
Now I’m getting bored again. I could sing. I wonder if I sing if people will be able to hear me from outside of the dragon? Would that draw a crowd?
This is starting to look grim and smell pretty awful. I think the dread is setting in. And all of the stomach tissues keep gurgling.
Gross! The large lord seems to be giving the dragon indigestion. Everything is churning and bubbling and—
Oh no! Not that! I just heard a thunderous sound which has shaken every muscle within this dragon and a portal has opened beneath me.
I have just realized what shall be worse than being eaten whole by a dragon — passing through the rest of the digestive track while still alive. I wish I had nose plugs.