Hey, anyone remember that third Mummy movie that recast Evie? No? Okay, fine. I’ll make this semi-short then. I do have to say that I this movie a lot of fun despite it’s flaws. No one knows how too make a good adventure film these days.

It’s been a decade since a terrible CGI Dwayne Johnson attacked Rick (Brendan Fraser), Evelyn (Rachel Weisz), Jonathan (John Hannah), and little Alex (Freddie Boath - wonder what he’s doing with his adult life?). Now Rick spends his time fishing, Jonathan owns a casino that screams opening sequence of Temple of Doom, and Alex (Luke Ford) is on a dig halfway around the world sans his British accent. Meanwhile, Evie (Maria Bello) is -

Wait, wait, wait. Let’s address the elephant in the room. I really love Maria Bello as an actor and normally I’m excited to see her in a movie. I also am glad that they recast the character when Rachel Weisz wasn’t going to do it instead of writing the character out. But Bello was such a weird decision. She played the character in a completely different way and it pulled it me out of the story. Okay, I’ve said my peace. Back to the blog.

Meanwhile, Evie (Maria Bello) is using her downtime to write pulp novels based on their adventures. She’s doing a reading in a London bookstore where main characters Dash and Scarlet are reliving the end of the previous film. This scene did annoy me because she does voices for her characters that make them silly, like she’s making fun of her own life. Still, love the covers featured in the background. Her books are extremely popular with adult women who love the adventure and romance. They ask her questions about how exciting her life was before and during World War II, making her depressed. However, of course, Evie promised her publisher a third book and she’s completely blocked. Her and Rick’s new life of retirement is not helping as the pair of them struggle to pretend that they are happy.

They are sent to Shanghai on a goodwill mission for the British government where they discover that Alex left school to find the tomb of a lost Qin Dynasty emperor (loosely based on Qin Shi Huang and played by Jet Li). They receive help from Rick’s old friend Mad Dog Maguire (Liam Cunningham) and guardian Lin (Isabella Leong) who knows the only way the new Mummy can be defeated. Enter in adorable, yet fierce yetis (I want to be best friends with one), another army of the undead, and Michelle Yeoh as the woman who has lived an eternity in order to stop the emperor. That’s right. Michelle Yeoh. This movie should be highly rated just for her presence. Then again, I did see Crouching Tiger in theaters multiple times and she was my favorite Bond girl so not really sure I’m unbiased.

Anyway, this new adventure gives Evie her plot for the third book the publishers asked for, but yet another adventure gets in the way

Also, can I have a Yeti?

Oh Monkeybone. One of those films you don’t remember exists and then suddenly someone will mention it out of the blue and you’re like “that was a thing”. I did not pay money in theaters for this one, BUT I did watch it on HBO because I was in high school, had a huge crush on Brendan Fraser, and was excited that someone let Henry Selick (of Nightmare Before Christmas) direct a movie again. Also, I recall the trailer had music by The Offspring. Teenage me could not resist The Offspring.

I’m going to keep this one short so I don’t have to hear a lot of trolls hating on the Fraser or this film. This isn’t a critique. It’s just be pointing out how the movie portrays writing and our old friend Edgar Allan Poe (played by Edgar Allan Poe VI - the same actor from that episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch).

I’m not going to sum up the entire plot, but I will tell you that besides Edgar Allan Poe being present, the story is about a Stu (Fraser). Stu is a cartoonist trapped in a version of his own creation while in a coma. At the same time, his popular character, Monkeybone, has taken control of his body and given it a gross soul patch. The world Stu’s mind exists in also deals in how nightmares and trauma spark creativity, something he learned from his girlfriend played by Bridget Fonda (where has Bridget Fonda been lately? Did she retire or what?)

Stu ends up in a prison cell with “nightmare makers” Attila the Hun, Jack the Ripper, Lizzie Borden, Stephen King (played by himself) and Poe. That’s right. Known killers and few writers. I’m not sure what this film is trying to say exactly, but I would like to add that if I die suddenly, could someone please clear my browser history. King is called a nasty name for a wuss by Poe when he asks for a nightlight.

The other part of this has to do with success as an artist, taking the “selling out” with the positives, and accepting that even some of the worst characters we create are a part of us.

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