Oh, the 80s. You never disappoint when it comes to terrible, yet oh-so-entertaining movies. Although, this was partially written by Fred Dekker, who wrote Monster Squad, so I assume parts of this were meant to be funny.

Bestselling author Roger Cobb (William Katt, the Great American Hero and poor Tommy who took Carrie to the prom) inherits his aunt’s house after she’s found hanging from her bedroom. By the way, she was found by a kid delivery groceries who called himself “grocery boy”. Cobb’s been having issues ever since his son, Jimmy, practically vanished right in front of him. His actress wife, Sandy (Kay Lenz) has separated from him and his fans are disappointed that he’s taking a break from fiction in order to write a Vietnam memoir. I pointed at the screen and yelled in a German accent when i saw that one of the fans was Austin Powers actress Mindy Sterling.

Cobb stays in the house in order to work, but also because of a hilarious . . . I mean, devastating conversation he remembers where his aunt claims that the house took his son. The aunt shows up once more to warn him that the house is out to get him, but not about the super deep V sweater he swears. Cobb meets his new neighbor, Harold played by Norm! George Wendt’s character turns out to be a fan of Cobb’s books so he gives out some awkward stalker vibes. I think he’s there for comic relief, but it’s difficult to tell what is comedic on purpose.

As the house starts to attack using monsters, Billy Bass the dancing fish, a hag version of Sandy, ghosts, goblins, and Vietnam flashbacks, Cobb gets very little writing done. Instead, he tries to save his son from a hell dimension where he’s being held by the ghost of his angry Nam platoon-mate played by Richard Moll. It’s always the way. You set aside time to write and instead you have to rescue your child from a decomposing corpse.

You should check out this and then watch House II: The Second Story. No, really. That’s the title.

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