Ask Azra: Buying A Car

Hey Azra,

I’m about to buy my first car. Any advice on how to get a good deal?

Soon To Be Cruising


Dear Cruising,

Are you out of your ever loving mind? Why would you buy a car? They are terrible, dangerous things. Do you know how many people are killed in motor vehicle accidents every single day? A lot! Do you know that the leading cause of ozone degeneration is gas guzzling vehicles? Another fun fact for you- the leading cause of obesity are cars! Do you want to get fat?

Do yourself a huge favor and don’t even consider wasting your money on one of those things. It’s much healthier and lucrative to walk or get a bicycle. If you are hell bent on spending thousands upon thousands of dollars, get a horse. They tend to be more reliable than a motorized vehicle and can double as your quirky side kick.

Pedestrian For Life!


Is It Childproofing Or Just Removing Consequences?

As a parent, you are naturally concerned for your kid’s well-being. You want them to be safe. Many parents take the safety thing to an unhealthy level by locking up or securing basic items in their homes such as cabinets, light sockets, even toilets! Modern manufacturers have caught onto this trend and have jumped on the bandwagon themselves by making certain consumables and sundries impossible to open.

My question is why? Not only does childproofing your living space complicate adult lives unnecessarily, it prevents your little snot tornado from learning that actions have consequences. That latter part has the potential for catastrophic outcomes. If your offspring doesn’t learn about consequences, then it will impact their ability to adapt, their integrity will be nonexistent, their entitlement will be through the roof. In short, they will grow into entitled brats that no one will want to be around. This means the chances of them fulfilling their purpose of continuing the species is severely compromised.

“But Azra, if they got into bleach it could kill my child wouldn’t that also compromise their purpose on earth?”

The answer to that is both yes and no. Yes, if your mini-you got into the household cleaners and drank enough of it you would, in fact, fail at parenting. No, because as far as them contributing to the survival of the species, well? They drank bleach. At that point, it is natural selection and it is better they didn’t reproduce.

My point is, by childproofing the world to keep your rugrat safe, you are really doing more harm than good. Sheltering your kid from the world is not going to let them operate well in it.

My advice is to let them get into things. Let them explore. Let them experience the consequences of their actions first hand. I promise they will be much more interesting as adults if they are missing limbs.

Live dangerously!


***Disclaimer***Azra has been around children for centuries. While not having any of his own, part of being an exiled angel means blending in on earth. As he traveled the earth, he picked up on a lot of parenting practices across the globe. This blog is meant to share his parenting wisdom with a new generation. And to win a bet.

*Note: any advice given is meant to be satirical and not to be taken literally. Please do not exercise it upon any living being, child or otherwise.*